Bust a Mooooove - Duct Tape

The other night I was esconced in an elite social club/corner bar when tragedy struck. A friend's jeans, perhaps stretched beyond suggested torque limits, split wide open across the back pocket. They were her favorite pair, but years of stress and strain had taken a toll, and now a fair slab of skin was peeking out. A weaker woman would have run for the door in tears, but not my friend.

She held her ground, and her pants, for she had... duct tape.

I was so proud. Whipping out her Hello Kitty Leatherman, she deftly sliced a piece of tape off and bridged the gap. "No, no!" cried another friend. "You must put the strips vertically. It's much more slimming." She was right, of course, and we quickly corrected the fashion faux pas. Bursting with pride, but not enough to burst my britches, I offered to add a few pieces to my own Wranglers as a fashion statement of solidarity.

Functional yet attractive, the shiny stuff worked in a country/grunge sort of way. It gave guys an easy opening line with my friend, i.e. "What the heck is that on yer pants?" After which they'd spend entire songs discussing some of the more unique uses of the miracle adhesive. Instead of going home early and alone, she got to stay out and twirl her reflective keester about the dance floor a while longer.

There are certain sounds that, when heard, automatically create a mood- cats love can openers, my dog loves the music of the passing ice cream truck, for some - the croonings of Barry White....I was wondering if, in the right setting, the sound of ripping duct tape could be inspiring.

Next week I expect to walk in and see a whole bunch of copycat, duct-taped girlies eagerly following our lead. Hipper than a mullet and with more staying power, this duct tape thing has legs. I'm working on a line of jewelry, starting with bangle bracelets and a matching studded choker. My friend attempted a mini skirt which, although a painful failure, led her to discover that the stuff is a very effective body wax.

This has been your most-recent Dating Data Update. Thanks for reading this far.