Leaping a Day

Congratulations - you may have just won a shiny new day. No charge. You don't even have to pay sales tax on it, except for an hour taken back when Daylight Savings hits. Such a deal. So - how will you spend it?

You're already grumbling about spending it at work, aren't you? Tsk, tsk. There could be worse ways to spend a day. Besides, this year Leap Day is a Friday, personally one of my favorite days of the week, or at least in the top seven. It's the cusp of the weekend, chock full of hope, anticipation and optimism. Like hunger pangs right before a terrific meal.

Leap year was invented to catch up to the astronomical year. Since our orbit around the sun isn't a perfect 365 days, every once in a while we have to throw in an extra hitch in our giddy-up just to keep on track. This is quite similar to the way I dance. One, two, three...and a half. Yes, I get more out of dancing than most people. I can tell they're jealous from their irritated looks when I'm on the dance floor.

The only issue I have (you just knew I had an issue) with Leap Day is that it's during Lent, a 40-day period of sacrifice for Catholics. If you're going to the trouble of adding a day, why not add a really good day, like summer vacation, or double up on Christmas?

I recently discovered that Lent actually lasts longer than its supposed 40 days. Years ago people took their Lenten sacrificial fasting seriously, to the point of passing out during long church services. The loud 'thunk' they'd make hitting the wooden pews tended to upset the choir, hence, church goers were allowed to eat on Sunday. (Fainting at work was permissible as long as you were on break or worked for the government.) As a result, Sundays don't count. There's a total of 40 days of Lent, but Sundays are skipped. It seems longer because it is. Don't ask me - the Pope did it.

I discovered this, as I mentioned a few seconds ago, recently. Which means I've been over-Lenting since the Kennedy Administration. Through all these years, no one who saw me suffering through a sacrifice-filled Sunday had the courtesy to let me know I could ease up for a day. I had to get a calendar out and do the math to see I'd been snookered. As a Lenten kindness, let's assume they didn't know either, or were too weak from fasting to realize.

Reviewing the situation, it appears I'm owed well over 200 days full of chocolate, or swearing, or whatever I gave up each year. The Catholic Church doesn't issue coupons for this sort of thing, although I've been told I will receive compensation in my next life, which is great, but with inflation the way it is, I'd prefer something a bit more immediate. So to make up for lost time, I'm sitting here right now popping Hershey kisses and squawking like a sailor. Which, if you think about it, is not a bad way to spend Leap Day.

NOTE: Swearing, the blatant overconsumption of chocolate, and nitpicking about the Pope are not condoned by the publisher of this blog. This post is for entertainment purposes only and should not be construed, viewed or reviewed as an endorsement of such shameful and perverse activities, however fun they may be.